Nothing but an empty soul
by xCuri0sity
Summary: Rose has lost everything in her life that makes her happy, that is worth living for. -her thoughts in her state of mind- R&R  :  summary sucks... sorry.  was one-shot; now story
1. Chapter 1

They have no idea. No idea what it feels like to lose everything in their life that makes them happy, that makes them feel loved. To lose everything in their life that is worth living for. To feel so empty within yourself because you have nothing left anymore. No, they don't; but I do.

My life was basically built up around my best friend or rather, ex-best friend, Lissa. I grew up with her; I met her during at the academy when I was little. She was like my sister, my only family. My mother left me at the academy; thought it was best for me. In a way it was, but it would've been nice to actually have seen my mother growing up.

Me and Lissa, we were just chatting in her room, about her and her magic. She was using it more and more, and I could feel the darkness getting worse and worse. I was scared for her, scared for myself. I don't know what will happen if that darkness just all of a sudden... burst. But from chatting we went, to arguing and fighting with each other. Saying things that I may have thought about, like how I don't exactly get to live my own life, but that's how it's supposed to be for damphirs. We guard the moroi, her kind. But, what most guardians and their moroi don't have to experience is a bond between the two.

And on and on this arguing kept on going. Saying all of my darkest thoughts that I have ever thought about when it concerns my life and Lissa's. But of course, this wasn't entirely my doing. Part of it was darkness, I could feel it working its way into both our heads, but I was too caught up in this argument to bother with it. Little did I know, this whole argument would have completely changed my future.

From all that arguing, all the 'secrets' we let out, I now have no best friend, no sister anymore. And there goes part of my life, my heart. I don't know much of a world without Lissa, but now, that is what I am living, the reality I am facing. I've blocked myself from the bond, as did Lissa as well. We want nothing to do with each other. And I can finally start to live my life... right?

Wrong. I lost half my life from the loss of Lissa. Part of my heart and soul has simply disappeared. It's been 3 months since that fight, and I'm still living it as if it was yesterday.

Then, I lost the other half of me. I lost the one man I love. Dimitri. I had hope that somehow we would work the relationship out between us. I especially had hope that day when he told me he said no to Tasha's offer. This was also about 3 months ago. A week earlier than the fight I had with Lissa. What I saw next happened about the day after my fight with Lissa.

A week later, I saw Dimitri carrying his suitcase outside, standing with Tasha, while they watched another guardian put their luggage inside a truck. _Looks like he changed his answer_, I thought bitterly to myself. I should've thought that we wouldn't work out, that one day one of us would leave. That we weren't meant to be. I died even more on the inside seeing this.

But what I saw next broke me to the very core. I saw Dimitri kiss Tasha, I heard him whispering in her ear, saying the words that I would never thought I would hear him say to another women, "I love you." Sure, I figured this could all be compulsion, considering Tasha was an evil bitch. So I got Adrian to check for me immediately. And his answer was painful enough to hear. I ran back to my room, figuring that Dimitri was going to walk back in anytime soon. I fell into my bed, head into my pillow, and face streaming with tears.

I lost one half of my soul, my life, my heart. I didn't need to lose the other half did I? But clearly I was wrong.

I knew Dimitri was going to find me in my room right after that whole incident, what he doesn't know yet was that I already saw him with packed bags.

Once again, I remember this memory just as if it was yesterday.

"_Rose? Roza? Are you still in bed?" I could practically hear him smiling when I made no noise._

"_Come on Roza, wake up." He was still smiling; I just knew he was, as he walked towards me._

"_How could you do this to me Dimitri?" I whisper. He stops automatically, smile fallen from his face in an instant._

_I sit up and close my eyes, knowing my face was still streaked with tears._

"_How could you do this to me?" I took a breath._

"_After what you said to me that day in the gym, after everything," I open my eyes and stare into the beautiful brown ones that I fell in love with. "How. Could. You. Dimitri." I start crying again, as he tries to walk over to me to comfort me. But that's the last thing I need._

"_Don't."_

"_Roza, wai—"_

"_I said don't Dimitri." and I walked out the door of my own bedroom, knowing that the man I fell in love with, was not who I thought he was. And just like that, I lost the other half of my life. _

I think of all this as I sit at a park bench by the bushes under the trees, while I see Christian and Lissa taking a stroll in the park, with Dimitri and Tasha just behind them. They didn't notice me, but that was because I didn't want to be noticed. I had sunglasses on, my hair up in a ponytail. I had a book in my lap, the basic object to disguise me with. I would never be caught dead reading.

I see them walking and laughing, playing with each other. Smiling, happy, like one big happy family.

And with all those thoughts running through my head, it makes me wonder, was I ever as important in their life as they were to me?

It's only been a few months, but they act as if it never happened, as if nothing life changing occurred. As if Lissa didn't lose her 'sister,' or her best friend. As if Dimitri never lost a lover. But then again, it's been months. They have people in their lives to make them happy, to make them forget.

They have people worth living for.

But me?

I have nothing.

Nothing but an empty soul.

**A/N**

..yes. i know extremely sad/depressing.

idk. i tend to write sad/depressing one shots.

anyway.

first fan fic/ one shot that i bothered to post.

what do you guys think?

good?bad?okay?

Review please!

**~~CHARACTERS BELONNG TO THE ONE AND ONLY RICHELLE MEAD :D ~~**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

**K replying to a review that I couldnt PM to. **

**Dimkasroza123: Whoo! Ur updating this story sounds so good one of the best I've read I think so far update soon please!**

**Woow. Thank you thats something to live up to, but thank you for that amazing compliment :D **

**And yup. Im updating, slowly, but updating.**

**Anywaaaaaaaaaaaay.**

**You know the drill: R&R (:**

**-CHARACTERS BELONG TO RICHELLE MEAAD!-**

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><p><strong>Dimitri's POV.<strong>

It has been 3 months since I have been back to the Academy. I accepted her request for me to become her guardian, with that means that I would have to leave the academy and follow Tasha where ever she goes. Of course, that is no trouble at all. I've been best friends with Tasha since I could remember, and just recently have we taken that friendship to a whole new level.

2 days before I had left the academy, Tasha gave me a ring. Nothing special nor big, just a plain simple silver ring with the words _they come first_ written on it. The guardian mantra. That was the day she confessed her feelings towards me. I remember slowly understanding her words, and accepting her feelings. I remember telling her that I loved her and I didn't want to ruin the friendship we had if I became her guardian. I distantly remember feeling some sort of disgust? Remorse? Guilt? I can't pin point my mind on that feeling even now as I look back on that memory of that odd feeling that was coursing through me. It was slowly fading away from me, growing darker each day until it was almost gone. I could vaguely remember that my reasons had to do with Rose but for reasons I couldn't seem to remember.

That exact same day, I told Alberta of my plans. I planned to become Tasha's guardian as she requested. I would leave in 2 days, when she was scheduled to go back home. Alberta would then become Rose's mentor as wouldn't be there to help her train. I felt sad, I was sure Rose would go long ways and become a great guardian, but I wouldn't be there in helping her get there. But I trusted Alberta to train her well, just as she deserved to be trained to become the guardian that we all see I her. She had her friends with her to help her too, Lissa, Eddie, Adrian, Mia, even Christian.

So I came back to the Academy with Tasha who was visiting Christian, and as duty calls, I had to go along with her, not that I minded. What surprised me was not seeing Rose with Lissa, but for all I knew, she could have been training with Alberta or someone. Feeling as if someone was watching me, I turned around quickly to see who it was, but they left around the corner before I could see them. But I have a feeling I already knew who it was.

Later in the day we had finally found Christian and Lissa and decided to go take a walk around the park on academy grounds. It was night time, but the moon shone brightly against the park. I saw a lady sitting on the bench with sunglasses on which was odd to me, but she had a book in her lap. Maybe they were reading glasses, clearly accustomed for reading in the night outside. So I ignored her and interacted with Lissa and Christian.

We talked and reminisced about the past 3 months, what each of them were doing and what we had missed about in each other's lives. What struck me odd was I never once heard Rose's name in any of this conversation, which is hard to believe considering the friendship that they both shared.

So when Tasha and Christian went off to talk by themselves, I went to go talk to Lissa.

I asked her about spirit and how she was doing with that. I knew she was practicing different techniques that spirit can be used with Adrian, but soon this conversation just wasn't able to hold me off.

I asked her about Rose.

**Lissa's POV.**

I froze.

I didn't know what to say.

I haven't talked to Rose in the past 3 months. Not after that fight we had. For a while, I was angry at her for being such a bitch to me. Then I kept thinking about all the other fights we had and was thinking, _did she mean every word she said before? _Knowing Rose, I don't think she meant every word, but there was truth in the words that she said. And that hurt, to know that my best friend would think about me in that way. I wasn't helpless and vulnerable as she made me seem, but it was still a low blow.

My anger lasted about a month almost 2. But that was then when I started to miss her. I missed her presence there, her jokes, and just the way she knew whenever something was off about me. We still have the bond, but ever since that fight, I blocked her off, and I could tell that she blocked me out too. As much as I would love to have her back as my friend, I know it wasn't the right time. None of us were ready to face each other again. I was able to get back to my life, just with Rose only lingering in the back of my mind. I had my friends and my makeshift family to keep me happy and loved and to get me through this.

"Lissa... what happened?" Dimitri asked me, breaking me out of my reverie.

And so I told him the story of the fight when it started, how it started, what happened, and the aftermath.

And that's when I realized when I told Dimitri the story, that just a week after that fight, Dimitri had left her.

She lost the two people she trusted the most, within two weeks.

And that's when the change in her attitude all made sense.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:**

**okay so**

**for those who didnt read the A/N i posted up yesterday and are just reading this. **

**I SWITCHED THE 2ND AND 3RD CHAPTER. **

**so if this chapter seems oddly familiar to you**

**you now know why,**

**so go back a chapter. **

**and read that one**

**(:**

**anywaaay ****R&R**

**~~CHARACTERS BELONNG TO THE ONE AND ONLY RICHELLE MEAD :D ~~**

* * *

><p><strong>3 weeks later<strong>

I was running late for class, which would be a usual occurrence. But in light of what happened these past few months, you can say that I have... _changed._ Not drastically, I mean I'm still the Rose Hathaway you all know me to be (sexy, badass and all that) but my attitude in a way of putting it, has changed. I don't exactly talk or make jokes. I'm on time for classes now a days; I need _something_ to keep me busy. And yes, I actually pay attention in class. Well, kind of anyway.

I keep to myself, but then again, I don't really have anyone to talk to in the first place. I don't really have many friends, or any for that matter. My friendships have most definitely not been the same after my fight with me and Lissa. I don't talk with Eddie except for in class, but considering the change in my attitude, it really isn't the same. Adrian, well I don't see him either anymore, but I make it a task of mine to avoid him. Aside from his smoking habits, for some reason, Lissa is always or most of the time, near him. But I'm not taking any chances.

I walk into class just as Stan starts the lesson.

"Ah, Hathaway, nice of you to finally join us." He nods at me; he hasn't been as harsh ever since that whole fiasco with Lissa. Either he's actually being sympathetic in his crazy on fucked up way, or he just tolerates me now that I actually don't make rude remarks in his class, and actually pays attention. I go with the latter.

I take my seat at the back of my class, where I always sit. I listen to him groan on and on in his class for the next hour till I get to go to my next class. And that continues for the rest of the school day; me getting through classes to the best of my ability without dying from boredom.

As the school day ends, dinner starts at the academy, so like any other person, I go to dinner hall, and go get my food. Usually, I just taking my dinner and sitting in the lounge or my bedroom to eat in peace. For some idiotic reason, I decide to sit in the hall today. Alone. Looking as miserable as I have been for the past months.

I don't know whether if it was sheer laziness or what that made me sit in the hall for dinner. Whatever it was that made me come to this decision, it was the worst decision ever.

Sitting about two tables away from me is Lissa and Christian. Sitting together in some loving bubble that seems like no one can pop. But that's nothing new. They always have been like that.

It hurts seeing them so happy, to know that they are able to carry on with their lives as if never happened. As if they have no burden to carry, and they can live their happily ever after.

Then again, I never expected a happily ever after in my life, not with the shit I have gone through. So of course with my luck, some else appears beside them and takes a seat with them for dinner. Two somebody's actually. It was of course, Dimitri and Tasha, of all people.

It hurt even more seeing my soul mate or so I thought he was, out and happy with another girl. Tasha of all people. I won't deny that I still love Dimitri, I do, and nothing could stop that. But I also hate him with a passion.

I want to leave. I want to just run away. To run away, as far as I can, from the recent past. All these thoughts from before, about how happy my life was compared to now, and how happy their lives seem, were just smothering me in my face. I couldn't take it. I felt like I was being closed in on, like I was standing inside a room, and the walls were closing in on me, slowly leaving me claustrophobic and out of air.

And that was that, I got up from my seat as fast as I could, not even caring about my dinner. Not caring about the fact that I had to walk past them to get to the door. I just needed to leave.

And so I left, I felt 4 pairs of eyes, staring down my back before I make it to the door.

And once I was out, I ran. I ran out of the building and into the forests. I ran as far as my legs and mind was taking me. I ran around trees, around bushes, jumped over roots that were sticking up from the ground, and rocks that could trip me. I ran and found myself standing outside the cabin door.

I laughed in spite of myself. I would run to where a lot of this mess I am in now started. This was the cabin where Dimitri and I had sex for the first time. I had taken the darkness from Lissa in some fight that she was in, and all her anger coursed into me. It was what got me worried about Lissa and her magic in the first place; what started the fight. Dimitri took me 'hostage'. He took me into this cabin to make me calm down, to get the darkness out of my system. One thing led to another and the next thing I knew, I had lost my virginity to the man I love.

And now, everything in my life is in shatters.

I open the door to find everything as it was when we were here. But then again, no one ever comes here.

I close the door, and slide down against it, so I was sitting on the floor and leaning back against the door. Just thinking of how much my life was in a wreck right now. Before I could even stop them, all the memories of my past rushed by me before my eyes. Tears falling as I watched every single memory like a movie playing behind my eyelids.

I saw me and Lissa when we first met at the Academy, when I threw a book at that teacher.

I saw me and Lissa growing up and having fun like little kids.

I saw me and Lissa running away.

I saw Lissa drinking from my neck from when we were on our 'expenditure.'

I saw Dimitri when he caught us that night, taking us back to the academy.

I saw me and Dimitri in our combat lessons.

I saw when I broke my ankle through that bench that day we came back from shopping.

I saw when Dimitri gave me a present; my favourite lip gloss because of that accident, and because it would make me happy.

I saw when me and Dimitri were under that Lust Charm.

I saw when Dimitri came to save my life from Natalie, and from the strigoi in Spokane.

I saw when Dimitri told me he declined Tasha's offer because he loved me.

And then I saw my reality.

I saw how:

I have no one to live for.

I have nothing to make me happy.

I have no one to make me happy.

I have no friends, and practically no family.

I have no one to comfort me and tell me it was alright.

I have nothing, absolutely nothing.

I was lonely.

I was broken.

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><p><strong>AN ... again. LOL.**

**SO SORRYY I HAVENT UPDATEED IN A LONNG TIMEEEEEEE. **

**I haven't had the chance to with my homework, plus, I haven't really had the inspiration to write. **

**Which is why I rarely ever finish fics. **

**but I'm actually going to try to finish this one. **

**So. **

**It may be fast paced plot wise, but slow place when it comes to updates. **

**... so beware.? **

**:P**


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